Thursday i got into an accident which it took me for a tour but over all this weekend was awesome ( I'm thankful to have you by my side) it was like everything was put to past with no worries even with confessions being put out there threw out the entire time but it was like it didn't even matter everything about this weekend felt so right even with Sunday being without it still didn't matter the space was cool but was needed damn! i haven't smiled like this in a while but now as i lay to sleep i pray lord that more of these days are to come i know we thank you in our own crazy way but we are thankful anyway night yal :-) :-)

HONEY

I'm in my feelings for the next hour so ill express it all before i cover myself back up

it has finally came to past i have never been intimidated by another as long as i can remember i never felt threaten at all but i believe my time has came one thing i can say is GOD works in crazy ways the past three months i ran into ups and down many events took place but some were bitter so let me break them down

EVENT ONE : I went into a switch mood i had too! especially when your caught up. i did a 360 i just laid back and let everything take there course i made a promise that i plane on keeping(the 3rd month not hear yet) but it was the out come of it that made me realize some flaws about things its like when you put yourself in the front of it just to see if it will stand in front of you or step around you and personally i believe it jump over me when you fall into a zone that you trust your mind starts to believe that nobody else or word matters but when its broken that's when all the bull starts but i cant go too deep into details about that just let me end that with every time you walk out i try hard to forget it but "A house is not a home when I'm alone here"

Event Two: they thought i was crazy i went into a deep depression that i didn't want to be here i smiled everyday like i was okay but nobody not knowing that i was trying to kill myself i made sure papers was alright i pop pills ever night more than 300mg i slept with my gun in hand with my hand on the trigger but it never went off i let my lights and water go off on purpose i stop paying bills i really just didn't care i felt like i was here by myself i wanted to turn to the one i trusted dearly to but i couldn't cause they had there own up and down and i was trying to support them but i couldn't cause i couldn't support myself but for some reason the lord wouldn't let me go he sent one person that been around for years just never that close she made sure i was alright she didn't step over my path she let me pull out on my own but she didn't allow me to just fall i believe she was my angel for the time being because I'm suppose to be dead right now

Event Three (I submit): I'm not perfect and i MAKE MISTAKE BUT MY HEART IS PURE well at least it try to be its funny how you have so much but your sanity drive you away from it yeah i couldve of followed the star life but i choose not too everyone thinks money makes things happy i believe if i was still in the life style I'm already dead i know i m at the peek i should be and i know many expect more from me but its my life and i choose who i want in it because behind those walls you don't feel what i feel nor see what i see so don't judge me or what you think that would have been best for me

AS I'M WRITTEN THIS: I'm written and texten at the same time GOD only knows how much i care but its crazy how i try but still however this Sunday this person took every bit of my ego away from me its crazy and it hurts i mean really hurts to the point i want to cry but I'm cried out already i understand people see things and they take it the wrong way which happen everyday but i would have never thought that this person will allow another person to come in between and make a announcement with pride and they acknowledge it like "yeah" that's what it is then you talk about respect childddddddddddddd "truth be told" you acknowledge it so that's how you wanted it to be

At the End of The DAY!!

Im putting aside my feelings im not going to try anymore if it happens it happens i have a project that im working on and i need too put these proposal together so everything can fall into place yes i may have fail back some but it was experience i had to take now that im back in control of me then i don't have the problem of holding it back and letting it out my happiness is what i want and i know were i want to spend it its within my confront zone its just allowing the inner soft me play its role but still stand on my two feet

VENTING

Lately ive been thinking i let my emotions get the best of me i was willing and able to lay it on the line but uck! this you gives a two ish if its ment to be it will be im tired of other in my ear about old news tell me something new and good or dont tellme nothing at all people change over the ears so what i could of married a NFL player bu i chosed not to i guess you rather see me dead for abuse so what i dated the self employed it wasnt a issued when i gave 14 stacks and never ask it back and yeah so what i fell in love with an ego thats just like mines im attach to it cause he humbles mines i never ask to be who i am im just am who i am so let me role call this 1. yeah im not in the studio anymore but i still hit the bars ever now and then 2. yeah i step out the box before but it wasnt with you 3. yes he played for UM and got drafted this year but no me and his friend are not dating i just did an essay paper dont get it twisted 4. Yes me and tonio have our ups and down but ill always love him for who he is 5. how the hell do yall find out information its not that much google in the world .

I GOTTA GO BUT TILL NEXT TIME ILL JUST SEE YOU WITH THE EMAILS