I'm in my feelings for the next hour so ill express it all before i cover myself back up
it has finally came to past i have never been intimidated by another as long as i can remember i never felt threaten at all but i believe my time has came one thing i can say is GOD works in crazy ways the past three months i ran into ups and down many events took place but some were bitter so let me break them down
EVENT ONE : I went into a switch mood i had too! especially when your caught up. i did a 360 i just laid back and let everything take there course i made a promise that i plane on keeping(the 3rd month not hear yet) but it was the out come of it that made me realize some flaws about things its like when you put yourself in the front of it just to see if it will stand in front of you or step around you and personally i believe it jump over me when you fall into a zone that you trust your mind starts to believe that nobody else or word matters but when its broken that's when all the bull starts but i cant go too deep into details about that just let me end that with every time you walk out i try hard to forget it but "A house is not a home when I'm alone here"
Event Two: they thought i was crazy i went into a deep depression that i didn't want to be here i smiled everyday like i was okay but nobody not knowing that i was trying to kill myself i made sure papers was alright i pop pills ever night more than 300mg i slept with my gun in hand with my hand on the trigger but it never went off i let my lights and water go off on purpose i stop paying bills i really just didn't care i felt like i was here by myself i wanted to turn to the one i trusted dearly to but i couldn't cause they had there own up and down and i was trying to support them but i couldn't cause i couldn't support myself but for some reason the lord wouldn't let me go he sent one person that been around for years just never that close she made sure i was alright she didn't step over my path she let me pull out on my own but she didn't allow me to just fall i believe she was my angel for the time being because I'm suppose to be dead right now
Event Three (I submit): I'm not perfect and i MAKE MISTAKE BUT MY HEART IS PURE well at least it try to be its funny how you have so much but your sanity drive you away from it yeah i couldve of followed the star life but i choose not too everyone thinks money makes things happy i believe if i was still in the life style I'm already dead i know i m at the peek i should be and i know many expect more from me but its my life and i choose who i want in it because behind those walls you don't feel what i feel nor see what i see so don't judge me or what you think that would have been best for me
AS I'M WRITTEN THIS: I'm written and texten at the same time GOD only knows how much i care but its crazy how i try but still however this Sunday this person took every bit of my ego away from me its crazy and it hurts i mean really hurts to the point i want to cry but I'm cried out already i understand people see things and they take it the wrong way which happen everyday but i would have never thought that this person will allow another person to come in between and make a announcement with pride and they acknowledge it like "yeah" that's what it is then you talk about respect childddddddddddddd "truth be told" you acknowledge it so that's how you wanted it to be
At the End of The DAY!!Im putting aside my feelings im not going to try anymore if it happens it happens i have a project that im working on and i need too put these proposal together so everything can fall into place yes i may have fail back some but it was experience i had to take now that im back in control of me then i don't have the problem of holding it back and letting it out my happiness is what i want and i know were i want to spend it its within my confront zone its just allowing the inner soft me play its role but still stand on my two feet
